This gets me every time, too...

So, food allergies.  They stink.  I hate that my kids have to deal with them.  But can I remain humble and say when it comes to food allergies, I'm really smart?  I know more than I ever wanted to...that's for sure.
Safest bet? Eat lunch at lunchtime.  Food belongs in the lunch room.  Kind of why they have one.

Last year, my son was in a food free classroom and maybe that spoiled me a little. I see the "peanut free" signs everywhere in the school-don't know why the peanuts get all the press. A life-threatening food allergy is a life threatening food allergy. Why would you protect a kid who is allergic to one thing, but not one who is allergic to something else? I don't get it, I don't like it. 

So, here we go...our poor children go from 9:05, when they arrive at school all the way until 11:45 before they can eat lunch. 

"We need snack!" declares the teacher. Oh no, we really don't. How many kids eat a mid-morning snack when they are at home during the summer? My guess is not many. 

So when I tell the teacher it's not a good idea to have allergens in the classroom due to many allergies (including my child's) being contact, she says "let's try it and see how it goes". 

Um, let's not! You see, if your little experiment goes poorly, my kid ends up in the hospital, or worse.

But this teacher was a little older and set in her snacky ways. I wanted to ask again to make the classroom food free, but decided to compromise, suggesting that we allow snack, but only single-ingredient whole fruits or vegetables. 

The next question I was met with..."isn't that a little extreme? Not all the kids have food allergies."

Well, my kids isn't allergic to peanuts, but out of respect for the kids who are, I am more than willing to send in peanut-free snacks. Don't you think others parents would be willing to accommodate all the allergies as opposed to just the allergies of one child? 

"But not all kids LIKE fruits and vegetables." Well, if they are hungry, they will eat them. If they choose not to eat fruits and vegetables, they can wait the whole two-and-a-half hours to eat and have their choice of any food in the whole wide world. 

I understand the whole world doesn't revolve around my kid, but he's seven. When I'm not there to look out for him, I can't count on him to think not to touch the table until it has been wiped down. I can't expect a teacher, who is in charge of 25+ kids have the time to have all the kids wash their hands and desks everyday after snack. 

I don't know how strictly this rule is being enforced, but to ensure I'm not a worried momma all day long, I have put this in writing and pretend they are enforcing it strictly. 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't think the whole world should be allergy-friendly because that's just not realistic; however, I do think that if I'm not there to guide and protect him against potential dangers, and the teacher doesn't have time to, I think have an allergen free classroom is reasonable. 

Any experiences with food allergies and your school? Leave your comments below!

Why does it shock me every time?

So, Davis has been excited to go back to school-probably since the first day of summer break.  This is a good sign.  He loves school now that we have him at a school that gets him. He is "normal" at this school; and even when he's not, the other kids all get it.  One thing I have raved about is that he looks like a typical child when people see him in this context.  He has been chosen to be an ambassador to students that come and visit.  He has friends and they like him-even with all his Davis-ness, because they have quirks, too.
Today was meet the teacher.  I love that they do it on Friday and don't start school until Wednesday.  I'm thinking they know their clientele need a little additional time to process the change of the new year.  He couldn't wait to go, and was rather excited that he didn't have to wear his uniform.  He talked about all the people that we would see, and tried to remember the name of his new teacher.
We show up and were directed to room 12.  Uh-oh!  We had been preparing him for room 15 all summer.  He was in room 12 last year.  All the classrooms at his school are multi-leveled, but it's all about precedence for him.  He spent one year in one class room, one year in the next classroom, and fully anticipated to moving up to the next classroom this year.
Here's the problem...all of his friends did-with the exception of one.  His eyes welled up with tears as he whispered "Did I flunk?"
I tried to explain looping, I tried to explain that there were both third and fourth graders in his class, I tired to point out that he would be with his best friend.  But then the step-touch started, the eye contact dropped.  I gave the teacher big eyes-like "what the heck?" but didn't want to talk about it in front of him.  I tried to send him in the room, but he refused to go without me.
There were no other kids in the room, plus it was his class last year.  This should have been a non-issue. 
He wouldn't leave my side.  So in we went, but he wouldn't look for his desk and started chewing on his hands.  OH NO!  He doesn't do asperger's at school anymore.  I tried to get him in the right mindset.  I encouraged him to go into his second grade class room and he see his best friend.  "I'm nervous."  (oh, I can't take it).  His teacher walked him next door and I broke down. 
Now, let's be fair.  I have had two awful days.  It probably wasn't just the school experience that had me in tears, but this crap is sneaky.  I had to back pedal so the teachers knew I wasn't questioning the placement, but that I'm sad because he "doesn't usually have" aspergers at school.  I'm a mess.  I should probably be committed.
I know he has the diagnosis.  I see how he acts in new settings.  Why does it shock me when asperger's shows up?  I don't know, but it gets me every time.
In the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."
When we left the building, he had been happily playing with friends and was able to tell me two reasons he was happy he had been looped.

do dietary interventions work?

Dietary Intervention: Fact or Fiction?

My pediatrician is a firm believer in "heal the gut, heal the child" and uses lots of dietary interventions as well as supplementation.  Here's what I know:  60-70% of your immune system is located in your Gut Associated Lymphatic Tissue (GALT).  When you are talking auto-immune conditions, wouldn't it make sense to start concentrating here?

Give it time.  If you decide to go the route of dietary intervention, you are talking about long-term health, not a fast fix. Most often, removing gluten from the diet is suggested.  Gluten can stay in your system for four to six weeks and even a small contamination or a single "cheat" can set you back two to four weeks.  In my experience, the first two weeks of the diet feels like the flu.  Tummy trouble, headaches, body aches, and moodiness would not shock me.  It's not a diet that you go on, then wake up one day and feel better.  So if you try it, you have to be willing to stick with it or else you are just wasting your time.

How do you know, Jacki?  Our family has celiac disease running rampant through our intestines, so we didn't decide on a gluten free diet as an intervention for autism, we went gluten free because of long-term health risks such as colon cancer.  My husband was the first to be diagnosed nearly nine years ago.  Three years later, my new pediatrician looked at me and asked why I hadn't considered the fact that our children likely also had the disease.  I decided to go gluten free with our youngest two for the first month (fully intending on returning to my glutenous ways after they were settled in on the diet).  When I reintroduced gluten, I had horrible side effects and felt so lousy.  I realized that even though it was hard, gluten free would be our new lifestyle.  Since then, another of our sons decided, at age eight, that when he ate certain snacks, he felt really bad and wanted to be strict with a gluten free diet as well.  Five out of the six in our house follow a strict gluten free diet. 

Once gluten was removed from our youngest child's diet, more allergies came to the surface as well.  We did an elimination diet again as well as blood and scratch testing and an upper- and lower-endoscopy.   The tests suggested that he was allergic to the sugar in milk (lactose) but not the protein (casein).  Our doctor said after the elimination period, we could reintroduce foods once at a time in small doses.  Instead, we allowed him to reintroduce dairy at a preschool ice cream party.  He passed out, threw up, and got a visit from some friendly EMTs with epinephrine due to what we now know is an anaphylactic allergy to dairy.  So not only is he on a gluten free diet, but he is casein- and soy-free as well.  

I know the diet.  I know it's hard.  I don't know how well it works as an intervention, but I do know that it takes dedication.  If we weren't on the diet for health reasons, I can promise you that we would have tried it because it never hurts to try.  It does hurt to abandon early.

As you embark on your dietary intervention, feel free to email me.  I am more than willing to share recipe ideas!

More than a diagnosis

Lots of things happen to you as a parent when one of your children is diagnosed with some sort of special need.  It is almost as though you have to mourn the loss of the child you thought you had/were going to have before you can move forward with the child you actually do have.

Here, I am using a 7 step model, based on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's 5 Stages of Grief.  I'm sure Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz would have something to say of the validity of this model; I agree, this is very linear and makes a whole lot of sense on paper when you aren't going through something, and while grieving, there is no right order, no "right way" to do it.  I will tell you that I have found life to be much messier than this "complete phase 1, move on to phase 2" model. Real life has backsliding, combining of phases, hanging out in certain phases, and sometimes totally skipping a phase, but I think these are all very valid feelings that parents go through.


1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the diagnosis with disbelief. You may deny the reality of the diagnosis at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. You may have feelings of guilt over things you did during your pregnancy-or didn't do. Maybe you know the genetic link comes from your side of the family and you feel somewhat responsible. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-Frustration gives way to anger, you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is the time where you will generally release bottled up emotion. You may be questioning "Why me?" or "Why my child?" You may also try to bargain with God for a way out for your child ("I will go to church every week" "I will help other people with special needs as long as one of my kids isn't effected")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-Your friends may think you should be getting accustom to the idea of the diagnosis and moving on with your life; however, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving-especially if they have never received a diagnosis for one of their children.  During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of the diagnosis and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, think of what limitations this might bring as your child gets older, and focus on what your child may never do. 

5. THE UPWARD TURN-As you start to adjust to the idea of your child's diagnosis, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, you are able to wrap your mind around what you need to do next, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by your child's diagnosis. 

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-Eventually, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. You will find a way forward. You will do what needs to be done for your child. And you will acclimate to life with a diagnosis.

One thing that I've shared with very few people is HOW LONG this lasted...we knew from the time my son was very young-probably six months old-that there was something going on.  I was pretty sure he hated me.  I couldn't comfort him-but my husband could.  I resented that.  I resented my husband and I resented my child.  How horrible is that?  Every other baby in the world could be comforted by my usual mommy way of comforting, but my child wasn't.  I really thought my child was broken.

At our 9 month check up, I mentioned all this to my pediatrician and he told me that not all babies are the same, give it time(hanging out in phases 1-3).  I mentioned it again at our one-year check, "wait and see" again, finally at our 18 month appointment, he asked me to look up and read about sensory processing disorder and call him if I wanted to talk more about it.  So there I was, still hanging out in phases 2 and 3, adding a little of phase 4 for good measure, pregnant and trying to parent three kids, one of whom I resented.

I finally had a name to go with the bundle of symptoms that had been living in my house.  I found there were some things we can do to address these symptoms, so while phase 1 slipped back in and 2-4 were still a very real part of what was going on in my head, my body started carrying out phases 5 and 6.

More symptoms persisted, so more doctors were visited.  He was two years old when I started to research with fervor and began to understand who my child was and what my child needed. This really moved me away from phases 1-4 (though those feelings crept in from time to time with each new realization and each new label)and on to phases 5 and 6.

The more I learned about my child and the more I started applying that knowledge to my parenting, I slowly moved into phase 7.  By the time he was three years old, I was there.  Only took me two and a half years.

During those two and a half years, I lost touch with friends-and I lost friends-who just didn't understand all that was going on.  I was isolated in my own family, only allowing immediate family members into the personal hell I was going through, and even then censoring many of my thoughts.  Two and a half years of denial, guilt, anger, resentment, isolation, censoring, and loneliness is a long time.

I don't want to act like everything has been sunshine and rainbows since that time-it certainly hasn't, but I love that this grieving process ends with HOPE.  There is always hope.  

More important than hope, is the ACCEPTANCE.  This is your child.  As a parent, it is your job to love this child unconditionally-diagnosis or no, difficult or not.  Once I began loving my child for who he was and not who he wasn't, once I stopped trying to make him be consoled the way I thought was "right" and started comforting him the way needed me to, once I stopped thinking of him as broken and started thinking of him as special, that's when he finally, truly felt my love.

I'm a pretty quick learner, and it drove me crazy that my husband got there years before I did.  I felt like I had so much time to make up.  Loving my child isn't hard; understanding how to love him his way took years...

Let me encourage you.  It's okay if you don't get there right away.  To really be genuine in your relationship with your special needs child, you have to go through the process.  For some, like my husband, it is a process that will take a matter of minutes each time something new develops.  For others, like me, it will take much longer.  

As you are going through these stages, reach out to those around you.  Try not to shut people out.  Ask for help.  Have open dialog with your spouse about where you are in the process and how you are feeling.  Don't sugar-coat things or say what you think people want to hear.  Most importantly, allow yourself to feel what you are feeling.  

Realizing that your child is not going to have a "typical" life is huge-but when you finally accept it, you will be able to hope in the future.

what do you think about school choice?

Public School or Private School: That is the Question

Nothing is more frustrating than watching your child struggle with school work.  The first thing I will say on this topic is you have to make the school where your child is currently attending your ally.  It doesn't matter if your intentions are to move your child to another school in the near future, it doesn't matter that the school is doing things in a manner of which you don't approve and it doesn't matter that you are so angry you could spit.  You are working with teachers and specialists whose whole job is to see each student succeed at the highest level they are capable.  Maybe they aren't doing it.  Maybe you feel like they aren't even trying.  Maybe so many situations have come up that you just want to throw a temper tantrum and storm out of the school with your child in toe.  I've been there.  Here's the truth-you can't do that.  Well, you can, but it's not good for your child, and won't endear any of the staff to you.  

Here's what I would suggest as you are thinking through this process:

Give the school the benefit of the doubt.  Hold them accountable, yes, but believe that they aren't doing things to make you mad.  Also understand that there is so much red tape and law junk that can, at times, get in the way of the overall mission to educate your child.  You may have to go to bat and advocate (oh, there's that dirty word again) for more than the school wants to do.  I've said it before and I'll say it again here-you are looking at a child, they are looking at a bottom line and how that child will fit with line in mind.  School programs are not "one size fits all," which is why there are Individualized Education Programs (IEPs).  


Make sure the interventions that school has put in place for your child researched-based.  True, you can find research to support any stance, but have you looked at the interventions that are being used as it relates to your child's specific diagnosis?  A reading intervention program that is appropriate for children whose first language is not English will probably not be a good fit for children with dyslexia.

If you know of a program you think would be appropriate for your child, suggest it.  It has been my experience that schools don't love when you tell them how to do their job; however, it has also been my experience that if approach the person working most directly with you child and share your concerns and various ideas you have, he/she will be your best ally and will go to bat for your suggestions if they are well-thought-out and research-based.

Monitor Progress.  Have you ever heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?  If you have an intervention in place and you are doing the work at home and the teachers are doing the work at school and months pass with little or no progress, be honest with the school and tell them what they're doing isn't working.  I don't know that there is a magic formula for 'how long is too long', but I will say this:  research shows that for every six months a child falls behind, it takes two school years to catch up.  Children who fall two grade levels or more behind are unlikely to ever catch up and are four times more likely to drop out of school than their peers who are on grade-level.  I would say six months is too long to wait for something to fail.  I would start talking to teachers if there is no progress for more than a month.

Make Sure the School Teaching the Way Your Child Learns.  If your child has been through several interventions and things aren't working, schedule another IEP meeting.  Sometimes it might take a special school, other times, intervention at your current school and outside tutoring will do the trick.  While I totally believe you have to be on a team with whatever school your child attends, you also have to remember, they are responsible for your child while he/she is at their school.  You are responsible for the man or woman your child becomes.

How do you even know what you are talking about, Jacki?  When things are concepts that someone has never personally been through, it's hard to take them at their word.  I have been through this choice.  More than once.  I observed that our public school is excellent.  (Excellent with Distinction if you look at their state report card.)  Looking at their data, they are very impressive, but they do their best work with the average to high average kids.  I have one of my four children fall into their "sweet spot."  I have considered alternative school placements for my other three children, and at the end of the day, I moved one.  It was the hardest choice I have ever had to make.  I have one child in a school that specifically teaches children with dyslexia and ADHD.  He enrolled in the new school at the beginning of second grade with his reading skills testing at lower than pre-K level.  His first year, he went from lower than pre-K to middle of first grade.  He is making gains at a rate of more than one years growth in one school year because they are teaching the way his brain learns.  Sometimes you need a specialist to do that.  I also have another child with dyslexia who remains at the public school.  I really wanted to send him to a specialized school because of their vast experience in teaching children with dyslexia; however, he wasn't offered a spot.  When I knew that my child would be staying at the public school, I knew that I had to revise my way of thinking and hammer out a plan that I thought would work, then go to the school with that plan and hope they said yes.  They did...to some of what I proposed.  We compromised on other things, and I had to hire outside help as well.  We are doing the best we can with the concessions the school was willing to make.

When money isn't there and you don't have a choice...We are very fortunate to have found a private school; however, there is a price tag that comes with the expertise they offer. I'm talking I-could-send-my-kid-to-college-for-less price tag.  Some children could benefit from an alternative school placement and their parents simply can't afford it.  So, what are you going to do?  You can look at charter schools, you can look at open-enrolling in a different school within your district, or you could call and IEP meeting and really nail down a program that will work for your child.  You have options and not all come with steep price tag.

At the end of the day, I hope you will be confident in your decision.  I have to remind myself on almost a weekly basis that I am doing my best with the options available.  I still second guess some decisions and I'm still making changes as I go.  I feel like the target is always the same (a fine education) but the obstacles keep changing my aim...and obstacles are many when dealing with education.  Good luck in your navigation!

what do you think about vaccination?

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate? That is the question.

I can vividly recall a conversation I had with my sister-in-law when my oldest child was an infant.  She was questioning my choice to vaccinate as our pediatrician recommended.  I didn't really think there was much of a choice involved; therefore, I called her irresponsible for thinking that "herd immunity" would protect her child that she was choosing not to vaccinate...it did wonders for our relationship, I promise.  I'm not sure I can think of a more hot button issue.  I wouldn't say that I've done a entire 180 on the subject of vaccination-thinking that you should never vaccinate-and I'm also not saying that I think vaccinations are all good, but I am saying that I don't think the CDC's schedule is right...especially for my children.  The more I learned, the more comfortable I felt about certain shots and uncomfortable I felt about others.  My children are considered "fully vaccinated" and "up to date;" however, looking at their shot records isn't enough to get the picture of their vaccination history.  We did one shot at a time, and would use dietary supplements in the weeks leading up to the vaccination to bolster their immune systems.  We wouldn't get shots when our children had runny noses or low-grade fevers, although we were told by one pediatrician that we saw that it was perfectly acceptable to give shots during a cold (his reasoning was that all kids have a runny nose most of their first two years-we found a new pediatrician soon after that comment).  We also had titers drawn before we made the choice of whether or not to booster, a practice not used by most doctors.  We still count on their good ol' immune systems to ward off the flu as opposed to getting a yearly flu shot.  There is no one right answer for everyone, only one best answer for each child.  I have four children and none of them followed the same schedule.

If I had to go back and make the vaccination choices for my kids knowing what I know now, I think my decisions would be different, and I don't think I would have gotten certain shots.  Perhaps the auto-immune conditions that came out in my kids would not have reared their ugly heads, but perhaps something else would have been the trigger.

I would never be so bold as to claim "the (insert you least favorite shot here) vaccine caused my child to have (insert auto-immune condition here)."  Your genes are your genes.  If you have an auto-immune condition, you are born with a genetic predisposition of developing that condition-that is the genetic side of things.  Where you live, the shots you get, the food you eat, the water you drink-that is where the environmental factors come in to play.  

So today, vaccination is the environmental factor we are looking at.  Here are my suggestions on how to make a good decision when it comes to vaccinations for your child:

Research before you vaccinate.  Read up on both sides of the issue.  Read non-biased educational materials not only on vaccines in general, but also on each vaccination (note: the CDC is about as biased of a source as you can come by).  No matter where you stand on the issue of vaccination, you will find plenty of research to support your viewpoint.  Read case studies and anecdotal evidence.  Discuss your findings and well as your feelings with your doctor.
There are some shots I feel absolutely comfortable with...for example, the vaccine for Polio has been researched, refined, followed and given for a long period of time-that one was a no brainer for me.  Any shot that comes in a grouping (for example DTaP-diphtheria, tetanus, pertussis) is something I am going to want to pull apart and look at (and give, should I decide to do so) each component individually.  

Public schools (in America, at least) cannot refuse your unvaccinated child.  Should you make the choice to delay vaccination or not to vaccinate at all, public schools cannot exclude your child.  You do have to fill out a special form called a vaccine exemption.  Schools will send letters saying your child will be excluded unless they have a certain shot by a certain date.  What they really mean is either you need the shot or to fill out the vaccine exemption by that date.  Schools don't put it out there as a choice, but it always is.
I mentioned that my children are considered "up to date" but their shot record wouldn't tell you that story?  I have drawn titers on more than one child to prove immunity and no need for a booster; therefore, I either provide the blood work to the school that shows the immunity or I fill out a vaccine exemption.

Learn what titers are and have them tested before boosters.  My doctor explained to me that many children gain immunity after only one shot; however, some don't.  Instead of testing all children to see which ones need boosters and which ones are already immune, the CDC schedule calls for all children to receive boosters.  Even if you are very pro-vaccine, most people aren't pro-shot in their child's leg, so a routine blood draw can tell you if the shot is necessary.

Understand that some pediatricians are very pro-vaccination and want to follow the CDC schedule down to the letter.  You can have a very firm belief about vaccinations; that doesn't mean your pediatrician will agree with you.  There are some practices that will tell you that you do have a choice, your choice is to vaccinate or find another doctor.  This is something to think about if you totally love your pediatrician or if you move and are looking for a pediatrician.  How important is your vaccination stance to you?  Are you willing to go the extra mile to find a pediatrician who has the same philosophy you do?  We were very lucky to find our pediatrician.  She was actually on the news talking about her viewpoint on vaccinations and while we were still questioning many things about alternative schedules, we were intrigued enough to make an appointment and do more research.  I have heard of people in a brand new city, being turned away from doctor after doctor due to their stance on vaccination-the practices simply won't accept their unvaccinated children.

So the truth is, I'm not at all in a position to tell you what to do about vaccines.  I can tell you what we did, and encourage you to do your own research.  As I've said, each child is an individual; therefore decisions need to be made individually.

Next question:  what do you think about school choice?

food for thought

 I apologize for the long lapse between my last blog and this.  I've had a very hard time coming up with what I really thought was what people needed or wanted to know about some of the "controversial" issues that I pledged to talk about.  I want to kick of the week with a little background on that struggle.

I am not very active politically.  I do research on issues I care about and vote accordingly, but that's about as far as I go.  I'm not one to stand on the lawn of the statehouse, nor do I write many letters to my elected representatives.  I believe the real way to move towards change is to educate.

I want to educate the schools and other parents-teaching them lessons that I've learned from the school of hard knocks. I would love people to look at how practical things they do in their every day lives can change the course for their families and children.

Recently, a new statistic came out: 1 in 50.  If you live in the world of autism, you know what that means.  One out of every 50 school-aged children currently have a diagnosis of autism.  Some people want to say that it's increased awareness, some people believe that the numbers have increased due to the identification of higher functioning kids.

Here are my thoughts on why we are looking at 1 in 50:

Before we had meters that could read gases and indicate the safety of the air quality in mines, the miners would take a canary in a cage down with them into the mine.  When the canary stopped singing, the miners knew that it had succumbed to low oxygen levels or poisonous gases,  and they would leave the mine immediately.  The theory was, the canary, which is so much smaller and more sensitive to gases and has a more rapid heart rate compared to humans, would get sick much more quickly than a grown man.

Our children are an indication that something is wrong with the air we are breathing, the food we are eating, and the medications we are putting in our bodies.  I came across this new "political party" on Facebook called the Canary Party.  The clever naming of this group of individuals likens the children with auto-immune problems to that canary.

Check them out on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheCanaryParty?fref=ts

In my next entries, I will be discussing some very polarizing topics:  vaccination, school choice, and dietary intervention. I'm not going to spout my opinion, because we all know the opinions are like belly buttons (everybody has one).  My hope is I will give you some food for thought-things to think about and to do some research on so that you can have an informed opinion as to what is right for your child.  I am looking forward  to diving into these topics with you!